Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale 4.5% ABV

Anyone will tell you I've long been a proponent of the Pumpkin. That happy little headless bastard has been a staple of my fall drinking season for years now, and in 2007 we were all treated to a late-August debut on tap, which seems incredibly early. But it's hardly worth lodging a complaint over. And to whom would one complain. It's all complicated.

While my favorite, I feel my favoritism permits me license to cite the following criticisms of this beer. One - it's the weakest 4.5% brew I've ever had. You can go the distance on PUMPKINHEAD and be quite sick of it before you get sick on it. I don't like that. I want to get loaded and throw up.

Two - I am wholly disturbed by the growing trend of barmaids offering PUMPKINHEAD in sugar-and-spice-rimmed glasses. I don't know who started this tragedy but it severely hurts my feelings and makes me want to cut people.

These qualms aside, the positives of PUMPKINHEAD are too pronounced to ignore. It's tasty and you can drink it like water. And that means you can drink a lot. And when you drink a lot, you are cool. And when you drink a lot and are cool, you are an alcoholic. -cp